The Creepshow: A Novel Read online

  “But you might have less time for work and take time for family.”

  “Many women, and men, have been able to balance both!” Wanda’s words came out as defensive even though she knew Maddie wasn’t the one she needed to convince.

  “Remember Becca from marketing? She sued them for putting her under pressure. Won too. Then disappeared from the world of Whilt.”

  “How come I never knew about that?” Wanda asked.

  “You’re too busy working, Wanda. Take a few minutes to open your eyes and observe. You’ll see a lot.”

  Wanda had knitted her brow and looked down at her growing belly. She promised she would extract herself from her bubble from time to time.

  Wanda, who had just turned thirty-six, hadn’t given much thought one way or the other to having kids. Her relationship with James—her most serious—had lasted five years, but he had always put his career first. Their life had been a string of missed birthdays and evenings out, with Wanda often dining opposite his empty spot at a restaurant table. There was always a good excuse. But in the end, Wanda, no stranger to long hours herself, grew tired of this togetherness that wasn’t truly togetherness. They didn’t even share an apartment, let alone dreams for a family. The breakup came when James landed a promotion and transfer to London. But Wanda hadn’t been sad. The turn of events simply left her relieved. And then, a few months later, Max appeared in her life, and everything changed. A positive change, followed by a negative one: his departure.

  Still, much of the positive remained. Wanda saw new possibilities in her life. She no longer accepted stagnation. As the pregnancy progressed past the first weeks, Wanda realized she was getting to like the idea of having this baby—even if it meant doing it alone. Even if it meant a frown from the managers at Whilt.

  “You can’t be serious about not telling Max!” her best friend Galina had said.

  No, she wasn’t planning on keeping it a secret forever, but she didn’t see the advantage of tracking him down in Africa. Galina reminded her that he might not ever be back in touch. He might have found someone else and started a new life. Then how would Wanda handle it? Wanda couldn’t answer. Her heart ached. Galina, a lawyer, looked at everything with logic, while Wanda looked at everything with emotion.

  After three months as a single mother, in spite of the fatigue and stress, Wanda told herself she was satisfied with her life and with her decision—or lack of one. She had stopped thinking of how she would handle the situation. If Max never came back to her, what difference would it make? She’d remembered a few of his comments in passing about not having the time to start a family. Those comments became reassuring, allowing her to justify her silence.

  All of these thoughts rushed through her mind as she settled an already sleeping Nelly down in her crib. Nelly, the mirror image of her father with those wide-set hazel eyes. Now they were closed, and their long dark lashes grazed her pink cheeks. The round perfect cheeks that Wanda loved to kiss. She pressed her own cheek against her daughter’s and inhaled the soothing, milky scent.

  The day might have been terrible for Wanda, but at least for Nelly, everything had gone well. And that was most important. The toddlers loved having a baby around, and the nanny, Colette, said Nelly spent most of her time eyes wide open, eagerly observing her admirers.

  Nelly had even smiled for the first time. Wanda’s heart ached at missing that moment, yet she knew that with her work schedule she would miss many milestones in the months and years to come. She tried not to think of the “missing” part and instead focused on the “Nelly is happy” part as she tiptoed out of the baby’s bedroom and rounded the corner into the living room.

  The apartment was cramped, with two minute bedrooms, a bathroom that required contortionist skills to navigate, and one main room that held a sofa, a small coffee table and an open kitchen that was rudimentary at best. There was one reason the rent was so high: When Wanda sat on the old cream-colored couch with wine stains on it, she looked directly through the bay window at the Eiffel Tower. Galina had a similar view but from a different angle. They would joke around, saying they could wave to each other as they looked out their respective windows.

  Wanda ignored the tower’s glimmering lights and switched on her laptop. As the clock struck nine, sleep wasn’t on her agenda. And neither was amusement. She’d refused the invitation to go out for drinks. She’d refused Galina’s invitation for dinner. Wanda decided to avoid her friend because if she saw her in person, she would break down and tell her about the problems at Whilt. And she was sure Galina would put on her attorney cap and say something she wouldn’t want to hear.

  Nelly was waiting and so was her fund research. She would have to work nights to rebuild the funds Thomas had destroyed. Her clients’ words of dissatisfaction rung sharply in her ears once again, and she tried to shut them out. Complaining wouldn’t do any good at this point. Only hard work could bring her funds back to performance. But was it too late?

  ~~~~

  Three days passed before Louis finally waved Wanda inside his office when she approached. Louis ran a hand through the dark hair that fell over his brow and looked up at Wanda through crystal blue eyes that had attitude. He was about Wanda’s age and moderately attractive, yet he saw himself as extremely attractive. That was written all over his face, especially when dealing with women. He had been transferred from New York to the Paris office more than a year ago. At first, Wanda had rolled her eyes at his comments, even laughing at his “I’ll fuck anyone to get ahead” manner, but after a while she simply avoided him. His behavior had always been borderline—although worse outside the office. But she didn’t want to think about that.

  She placed her fund reports on the desk, the data facing Louis.

  “Thomas should be fired,” she said, voice low, confidence high. “This is outrageous. I gave him specific instructions, and he did the opposite.”

  Louis smiled with what appeared to be feigned sheepishness and shrugged.

  “Babe, when you’re gone for four months, you can’t expect everything to remain frozen. Things evolve.”

  She flinched. Wanda always flinched when Louis called her “babe,” but considering the importance of this conversation, it seemed even more inappropriate than usual.

  “In this case, they didn’t evolve in the right direction. And I was on maternity leave! I didn’t just pop off for a four-month vacation.”

  Louis stood up and walked around the desk. She refused to step back even though this felt too close for comfort.

  “Whatever the reason for the absence, sweetheart, it was an absence.”

  “It was a normal absence.” Wanda’s voice trembled with anger. Control, control, this is all about control, she reminded herself.

  “How about if we discuss this tonight, maybe over a drink?” His lips curved into a smile, and his eyes seemed to undress her. “It’s been too long.”

  Wanda thought back to her only social experience with Louis, the memory she hadn’t wanted to stir up: a cocktail hour at a neighborhood bar when she and Max were dating. She’d run into Louis there, and Max had called to cancel after an emergency at the hospital. So they’d had a couple of drinks. But when Louis’ hand had ended up wandering up her skirt, her hand had ended up slapping him across the face. The next day at work, business had continued as usual, and Wanda convinced herself to forget about it. He had been drunk. And it had been the first and last such situation.

  “Well, what do you say, babe?” he asked, running a finger down her cheek.

  She remained frozen to the spot, shocked at his audacity, then took a hasty step back. She hated being on the defensive.

  “This is a business matter, Louis, and should be dealt with here in the office,” she said, her eyes locking with his.

  “I heard you weren’t seeing—what is it, Mark?—any more.”

  “It’s Max, but that isn’t anyone’s business, Louis.”

  “So you’re still saying no to me, sweetheart?” H
e wore the arrogant smile Wanda knew well.

  “Would it make a difference if I said ‘yes’?”

  “Perhaps. I have power with the powers that be.”

  Wanda felt as if she’d been hit in the stomach. She wanted to lash out at him, to threaten him, to tell him he wouldn’t get away with using her fund performance as a sexual bargaining chip. Instead, she took a deep breath and ordered herself to remain calm, to show indifference.

  “Let me say it again: This is a professional matter, and I plan on dealing with it professionally. In the office.”

  “OK, I’m fine with that.”

  But it was clear that nothing was fine at all. Wanda’s mind was racing. Had Louis set this up from the start, or was he simply taking advantage of an opportunity? In any case, she didn’t understand his loyalty to Thomas. He should be punished regardless of whether Wanda was able to salvage the funds.

  “Why are you protecting Thomas?” she hissed. “He betrayed me, and he betrayed our clients.”

  “You only think about business, don’t you?” He shook his head and returned to the other side of the desk, where he lounged back in his chair. “This isn’t about protecting anyone. It’s about being reasonable.” Wanda shivered at the chill in his voice, but she didn’t waver.

  “Being reasonable is handling our clients’ money properly. And in this case, that did not happen.”

  “Well, now that you’re back, Wanda, you’ll manage to get things in order.” All of a sudden, he was businesslike too. Would he have been if she had accepted his advances? Of course not. He’d practically said it himself. She narrowed her eyes and continued as if her boss’ outrageous behavior had never happened. She would put it behind her with the barroom memory. But she couldn’t put fund performance behind her.

  “I can’t make any promises, Louis. Did you see these numbers? I know the markets, but I’m not a magician.”

  “Well maybe you’d better brush up on your tricks.” He grinned, as if delighted to see her squirm.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Wanda, you’re experienced enough to be able to iron out this type of problem pretty quickly.”

  Wanda didn’t like the forceful tone of his voice, the implication that she’d better find a solution or else. She especially didn’t like this attitude in light of the unpredictable nature of the markets. There weren’t guarantees, and Louis knew that as well as she did. So why did he seem adamant about holding her responsible for Thomas’ mistakes? Was it punishment for rejecting him?

  “When do you expect the funds to return to positive?” she asked. She willed her voice to remain steady and her eyes to remain unafraid, and each obeyed.

  “At the end of the quarter.”

  Not showing an ounce of emotion, she nodded, gathered her papers and left.

  Chapter 3

  Wanda dressed and undressed and dressed again. She finally settled on a fuzzy khaki-colored sweater-dress that made her eyes look greener and patent leather heels that would give height to her diminutive frame. An outfit she wouldn’t wear to work. There. At least she had drawn a line to separate herself from that place. She didn’t want to think of Louis, his eyes ripping through her clothing. She slipped a silver strand necklace over her head, and she was good to go.

  Colette arrived right on time to watch Nelly, but Wanda still had trouble making it out the door. Nelly was coughing again, wouldn’t sleep, wanted to play, didn’t want to play… and finally fell asleep.

  So at ten-forty-five on the dot, Wanda arrived at the party, now a mass of half-drunken lawyers and their friends spilling over from the main room down the outer staircase. Wanda nodded politely at a few people she knew and continued into the apartment. After years of friendship with Galina and her husband, Charles, Wanda had become acquainted with the attorney crowd.

  Still, even if she knew everyone in the room, Wanda didn’t like these big affairs. Discussions were usually meaningless and forgotten by the next day. But it was an excuse to get out—Galina was right, she needed to get out—and she could get by with her usual trick: talking business. She found a few sober acquaintances and did just that. She’d scanned the room but hadn’t seen Galina. She did spot Charles though, caught up in conversation in a far corner, so she would stumble upon her friend at some point. If she decided to stay.

  Two glasses of champagne later, the bubbles having gone a bit to her head, Wanda did a double take as a familiar figure in the doorway caught her eye. Suitcase in hand, unshaven and exhausted, he made his way past the group lingering in the vestibule. Wanda squinted to be sure she wasn’t imagining things. But in her heart she knew she wasn’t. She felt his presence. Max. He was back. And from the way it looked, he was staying here.

  Her first thought was panic, her second thought was anger (had Galina set this up?), then she forgot about the panic and anger, and tried to figure out what was happening.

  She excused herself mid-conversation and hurried out to the terrace, nearly empty as guests realized the Paris autumn was turning to winter. Wanda glanced around, seeking Galina, but she was nowhere to be found. Damn!

  Wanda ran through the situation: A lawyer-doctor couple lived in the apartment. They were about her age so it was possible the doctor knew Max from medical school or residency. A year had passed since Max’s departure. He had fulfilled his promise of a year-long mission. Wanda ignored the flip-flopping of her heart. She lingered near the sliding glass door until she was certain there was a clear path to the front door. Then she bolted.

  Tears streamed down her face as she hurried through the streets. She didn’t take the subway or a cab, but instead she threaded through cobblestone side streets until she was on a main avenue that would lead her home. She would rather walk all night than settle into the confinements of a car or subway. The tears continued, and she didn’t wipe them away. So much of her wanted to run into Max’s arms, but now, after her year of unconventional decisions, she didn’t know how.

  ~~~~

  It was two a.m., but Wanda felt more comfortable in the glaring light of her laptop than in her bed. Poring over corporate balance sheets was the only way to get her mind off her almost-encounter with Max. A half hour later, she was fully immersed, smiling into her own reflection on the screen as she noted useful details about a particular company’s outlook. On Monday, she would increase her position in this one.

  Her cell phone vibrated at her side, startling her, and Galina’s name flashed on the screen.

  “What is it?” she asked distractedly after popping in the earpiece. She and Galina called each other at any hour, so this wasn’t a surprise. As images of the evening rushed back to her, she had plenty of questions she wanted to ask. But Galina was already speaking.

  “Why did you run out?”

  “You saw me? Where were you? I looked everywhere for you, Galina!”

  “Of course I saw you. You almost crashed right into me!”

  Wanda had been running blindly, only thinking of escape. If she had crossed her best friend or anyone else, she wouldn’t have known the difference.

  “Did anyone… else… notice me?

  “If you’re referring to Max, no. He’d already disappeared into one of the bedrooms, and that was the last I saw of him.”

  “What was he doing there? Did you know?”

  “Of course not! I’m not one to play games, Wanda. I shouldn’t have to tell you that after all these years.”

  Wanda felt overheated suddenly, and her heart pounded into her eardrums. This reaction, and she wasn’t even facing Max. The rush of emotion scared her, worried her.

  “It turns out he’s friends with Rich,” Galina said. “They went to med school together. Max is in Paris for two days, something work-related.”

  Wanda’s heart sank. He wasn’t back after all. Forty-eight hours and he would once again be thousands of miles away. She scolded herself for her sentimentality. She had been doing so well these past months, and now here she was, disappointed like a lovesic
k teenager.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway.” She hoped her voice sounded proud rather than pathetic, even though she realized pulling one over on Galina was impossible. At times, her friend knew her better than she knew herself.

  “Two days is plenty of time for you to tell him about Nelly,” Galina said quietly.

  “No. Not now.”

  “Wanda, timing won’t ever be right if it’s up to you.”

  Wanda remained silent, unmoving. She refused to budge. If Max chose to knock on her door, she would bring up the subject. Otherwise, it was out of the question.

  “Why couldn’t I find you?” Wanda asked, changing the subject. “Where were you hiding out?”

  “I was busy talking to one of the interns from Charles’ firm. I kept an eye out for you, but with the size of the crowd we must have just missed each other. And then I convinced myself that you hadn’t come after all, that you’d stayed home with your friend the computer.”

  “I wish I’d stayed home.”

  “You can’t keep running away, Wanda.”

  And she knew her friend was right.

  Chapter 4

  Nelly snuggled her warm head against her mother’s chest and reached little fingers out to grasp whatever they could. Wanda moved about the apartment with the baby carrier strapped to her, and both mom and daughter were satisfied. Wanda brushed a hand over the soft, curly blond hair that was beginning to thicken. Nelly cooed and gurgled, a cute little after-breakfast symphony that soothed Wanda before she headed off to work. Moments later, she handed this little bundle off to Colette and tried to ignore the pain in her heart as she raced down the stairs for another ten-hour day.

  Wanda’s morning was a series of out-of-office meetings with furious clients.

  “How could the company let this happen?”

  “What sort of fuck-up was left with that much control over our money?”